I have no sense of direction.
At all.
Not a bit.
Not a guess.
I'm somewhat always lost (but not the kind of lost Baptists talk about).
I have no idea if I'm going left or right or east or west or uptown or downtown. It's just not in there, folks! There is a section of my brain that built a bypass road around the wad that holds my sense of direction.
If I HAVE to make a decision about which way to go, I will just go with the most colorful sign or one that has a bird perched on it.
I have a friend who calls herself Pocahontas because she can find her way anywhere. With that analogy in mind, what is the opposite of Pocahontas? If Disney was casting me as an animation character, I would probably be a blind fairy that was captured in a jar, shaken up and then let loose.
Lance says that he can always remember which way we are parked by watching which way I go when we leave the movie theater. If I go left, he knows we are parked to the right. Same with elevators. I inevitably go the wrong direction first.
Being lost doesn't bother me because I've done it so much. I count it as the scenic view of things I wouldn't see otherwise.
One of my quirks (trust me there's more) is for the 6 1/2 years we lived in Atlanta, my goal was not to drive on 285 because there were more people on 285 at any given time than the town I grew up in.
I had no problem being a passenger on 285 but I wouldn't drive it.
Still true today.
I was only somewhat scared once. I was coming back to Augusta from Atlanta via all back roads that I had printed off of Mapquest (before Siri). I forgot to print the directions in reverse. So, coming home, I took out in a weave and dodge pattern. But with the aforementioned, I got very lost.
I didn't know that I was lost until I crossed railroad tracks and saw only honky tonks, bars, and gentlemen's clubs.
I made a squealing U-turn and drove drag racing speed until I could find civilization like a McDonald's or a Burger King. I ended up at Dunkin' Donuts.
Went in and asked directions for I-20. The customers in the store stared at me blankly. One lady took pity on me and said that I could follow her to find it. It took about 15 minutes of turning left and right (or was it right and left?) to get back on the highway.
When the I-phone 4 S came out, I thought that Siri and I would become BFFs. She'd politely coach me where to turn. We'd have lunch out together and have amusing electronic conversations. She'd go to Starbucks and Target and other places with me to watch the trendy people.
But what really happened was:
Siri and I have a love/sometimes hate; really hate; really, really hate relationship. I, once changed Siri to an English chap but he irritated me more because he sounded somewhat polite as he rerouted me.
Siri, has literally told me, "Don't talk to me in that tone of voice!" This is not an embellishment. We are like two women who have dated the same guy. Polite but terse.
I don't know if "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" pertains to electronic devices.
This week I needed to take some Wildtree products to a customer. I've been to her house a couple of intermittent times but I really cannot remember all of the twists and turns to get to her house.
I take a smidgen of responsibility for my part in irritating Siri with my absent-mindedness and my forgetfulness, but there was no way I deserved what I got.
I'm curious if therapists will come up with a series called Siri Relationship Rescue.
I asked Siri for the directions to XXXX Deerwood Lane, Augusta, GA. She said, "Did you mean Deerwood Drive?
Probably I replied. I never can remember the drives, avenues, boulevards, streets, courts and lanes.
She gave me directions. Since I kinda knew where I was going, I took a back way and then planned to actually listen to her when I got closer.
I don't know how to turn her off so all I heard was:
Make a u-turn at Stephens.
Recalculating.
Make a u-turn at Carlisle
Recalculating
Make a u-turn at Whittingham
Recalculating
Make a u-turn at Forest Acres
Recalculating
Etc., etc.,etc.
After not making any u-turns, I was fifteen minutes out in the general vicinity and started listening to her so I could find my destination.
She told me to turn, turn, turn and she ended up putting me on I-20. I thought, I've got to follow now or I'll never get to the house. Maybe she just wanted me to go via the interstate. I obliged. Add 20 more minutes.
My tip-off as to getting wrong directions was when she told me to go to Deans Bridge Road toward Wrens which somehow, my non-directional mind knew (maybe knew) that this was the wrong direction.
I pulled over and called Lance who was probably ignoring my calls because this happens more often than I want you to know.
So I called McKenna. When I told her, she didn't even know where I was.
She gave me the general way to get back to somewhere I knew--Chick-Fil-A and Target.
At 1 hr. and 15 minutes, I found the house and delivered $10.50 cents of product to my customer. Lance calculated that I spent $20 of gas and wear and tear on the car.
Thereby, I only lost $9.50 that day!
Siri and I are not on speaking terms right now. She is blaming me for not knowing my streets from my lanes and I'm blaming her for not understanding what I meant in the first place.
When I told my story to Lance, I saw in his eyes that he kinda was on Siri's side.
Because of this, I may just turn the opposite way coming out of the movie theater just to mix him up!
Until something else happens,
Joo Joo
www.mywildtree.com/jlou
jlou7@comcast.net
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